The foundation of having a mindset that can benefit your life is built on forgiveness. When we learn to forgive as a practice. This is when we can let go of the anchors of the past that hold us back in life.
We all have times when we have let our-self down or others we have relied on have to. When we hold onto the negative emotions of wrongdoings. It creates bitterness, an invisible weight that can get heavier and heavier to carry as time goes on.
I’ve seen and experienced this first hand. It’s not pretty to watch or feel. The unseen destruction it can do to your mental health that reflects your overall health is clear. The way it latches on like a leech sucking your mental health dry is a weight too hard to carry.
For all the pain of when we don’t practice forgiveness of others and self-forgiveness. There is hope if we learn to forgive. I too myself have had a mindset awakening when I took on the practice of forgiveness. It changed my life.
There Are Levels Of Forgiveness
There are countless stories told about forgiveness. The most famous one I can think of is the story of Jesus dying on the cross to forgive the sins of all mankind. In modern times there are stories of parents forgiving the murderers of their child which can be seen as level 10 forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a personal experience and cannot be forced upon. It’s a path you have to walk alone and will take courage to find your way out.
In my own life, I have battled against my mistakes and failures. Holding myself to account for standards that are unwarranted. This has led to days, weeks and months of negative feelings because I couldn’t forgive myself for being human. This is known as a fixed mindset. Where pain and suffering occur from a lack of a growth mindset.
When you can find it within yourself to forgive. Only then will you have a release from the torment of the mind.
How To Practice Self-Forgiveness
Practising self-forgiveness to make it a habit has to be performed on a daily or weekly basis depending on your lifestyle. Before you get to that point there has to be a beginning. This journey is somewhat similar to an Australian Aboriginal walkabout. Where you find yourself.
This has to be done alone with no distraction. This will be a time where you can write down, video or record your life experiences that need forgiving. You need to look back in the memory bank as far back as you can. Here you will find the invincible weight that has been weighing you down in life.
I personally forgive myself for being abandoned by my biological father and I forgave myself for not revising for my failed exams. When you’re going through your life’s memories some will harder to deal with than others. If you start crying you’re doing something right. Your starting to let go of your pain. This exercise could take an hour or it could take days. By the end of it, you feel light as a feather and free at last of the pasts pain.
To maintain this you have to practice self-forgiveness regularly to combat any unforeseen negative feelings that can hold you back.
This is an exercise that has changed my mental approach to life. Where now I care less about mistakes and failures. But care more about trying it again with a different approach. I face my fears more without worry about failing. It’s a refreshing approach to life that has led to my own mental health has become happier and a feeling of freedom.
How To Learn To Forgive Others
Forgiving others can be hard sometimes depending on what they have done to you. But holding long-term grudges over people does no good for your mental health. When it comes to forgiving others you have to become selfish. This is a purely selfish act for your benefit not there’s.
If you get into an argument with someone and after you have cooled down. You should look to find ways to forgive that person whether it be they don’t know any better, having a bad day or it was a breakdown in communication. Whatever it is find it because when you do you can move on.
There is a story of a mum and a son. They have two completely different points of view on life and yet again they came to an almighty argument where they never spoke to each other for years. Months after the argument. The son set his boundaries between himself and his mum but learned to forgive his mother for all her actions against him. On the other hand, his mum didn’t forgive or reach out to her son. This led to years of pain for the mom where her mental health was heavily affected by this event.
Over the course of the 4 years the person who chose to forgive led a happier life compared to the person who did not forgive.
The moral of the story is that no matter what happens to you in your life where forgiveness seems impossible. You have to be selfish in your endeavour to find it because if you do not you put your health at risk.
PLEASE COMMENT AND SHARE YOUR STORIES
Has this helped you today? Are you more inclined to focus on forgiveness. I would love to hear your thoughts and your experiences with dealing with forgiveness. Always remember your not alone and everything can change.
I hope you enjoyed today’s article Why Learning To Forgive Has To Be Part Of Your Self-Care Routine. Don’t worry you’re not alone. Millions of people go through the same experience every day. I hope the article has helped in some way. If you need extra help or any questions answered. Don’t hesitate to contact me at adam@thefuturemindset.com
In 1989 there was a man called Derick. At 36 his life hasn’t gone as planned and is deep into a negative mindset. He’s in debt, divorced, and in a career he hates. There is a cloud over Derick. At home, after work, he’s scrolling the internet. On his social media page, an old friend who he liked when he was younger reaches out to him. He is asked if he wants to meet up, he declines over the fear of what she would think of him. The next day on the internet, he comes across a website called I will teach you to be rich, dismissing it as a scam. The next day on his Linkedin page a job offer comes along that he would be great at but doesn’t apply over the fear of being rejected.
Now Derick is an imaginary character but this happens all the time in peoples lives where a negative mindset holds you back from taking risks, facing your fears and changing your life. We have all been there at some point but we can’t live there for too long because our happiness and memories are at stake.
Our health is at stake too mentally and physically. Studies have shown a negative mindset causes major problems within our body and mind that construct our downfall.
The moral of the story is when you focus on negatives you will find a negative outcome but when you focus on positives you will find positive outcomes.
Why A Negative Mindset Is A Habit
We all have negative and positive mindsets.
There is no true person out there who is constantly positive. If you are that person please message me I want to pick your brain. Your mindset is based on levels. Are you a person who is 80% negative all of the time or 20%? This is the major difference between someone living a happy and fulfilled life compared to a life where everything seems difficult with problems that can never be solved.
The reason why this is a habit. Is based on conditioning.
From family, our friends and societal norms follow us around without us even knowing. Humans have a keen ability to want to fit into a tribe. Built into us for safety and security. When we are brought up around negative mindsets the chances of us forming a negative mindset is high.
When we are children it’s the hand we are dealt but into adulthood, we have the power to change a negative mindset. In society, we see it all the time when children come from negative backgrounds (at no fault of their own) get into sports. Then their mindset changes because of the habits and mindset of their coach and the environment they’re in changes. Their whole aurora and identity are affected.
The heavyweight champion of the world Anthony Joshua is an amazing example of this. By understanding that a negative mindset is not fixed it’s changeable and with the right actions and environment. It can be changed for the better.
14 Ways To Strengthen The Mind To Ward Off A Negative Mindset
A negative mindset comes from the mind being out of control. It’s much easier to be negative than positive like it’s easier not to workout than it is to work out. We all know the struggle and we all know the benefits of following the harder path. To strengthen the mind from negative thinking of the past and future. Mediating is a timeless practise that actually works and brings the mind back to the present. This is the very foundation to build on to construct a positive mindset in your life.
Remember it’s your journey and meditating is a personal experience and can not be compared. Apps like headspace and calm are great or just finding alone time to sit in calmness helps too.
2. Become Self Aware Of Your Thoughts
Becoming self-aware in your life is of major importance. When we are not self-aware of our thoughts they will always sway to thoughts of comfortability and will send us on a downward path. Being self-aware is like a muscle over time you will become better at controlling your thoughts but if you stop. It will become out of control.
I’ve already stated in a previous article how to become aware of your thoughts that you can check out here. To strengthen your mind you need to know what negative thoughts are popping up so you can let them pass through. Thoughts are like clouds, they will always float away. Just give power to thoughts that will help you.
3. Clean The Mind
Every month minimum just like spring cleaning. It’s time to declutter the mind. The cleaning tools of choice is a pen and a journal. Here you will write down everything from who’s annoyed you, the mistakes you’ve made, your achievements, what you need to work on, problems in your life. The list could go on. Sit alone and don’t move until everything you can think of is on paper and you feel a weight off your mind and literally your whole body.
The reason why we feel it in our body is that we carry our problems with us and it does weigh us down. Once everything is written, now it’s time for the fun part. You will write down all the solutions, systems and strategies to fix your problems.
From here you should be happy, focused and positively excited about what’s to come. Holding on to every negative situation in your mind allows the negative mindset to flourish. Make sure you have cleaning your mind as a top monthly priority.
4. Lower Your Expectations
Having high expectations is considered a healthy goal to set. Studies have shown otherwise. When we set too high an expectation and we don’t meet it. The feeling we get isn’t positive it’s of guilt and failure. By setting an expectation you can meet. Not only will you succeed, the positive emotions you will receive allow you to move the bar forward next time.
By setting an expectation that’s achievable allows you to fend off procrastination. Achieving success and self-esteem in the process.
If you’re starting a business, don’t tell people you’re going to be a millionaire or be the number 1 company in the world. Focus on the actions that you can do today and for the month. This will allow to last the process and a by-product of this can be millionaire status and number 1 company in the world.
5. Gratitude
Very much like meditation, gratitude is a timeless practise that helps the mind achieve a positive outlook. It’s as simple as sitting down with a journal or looking out of your window to find all the positives you can see.
The mind will find what you tell it to look for. The problem with a negative mindset is that it’s become a habit to find all the problems in life. You live in an area you hate, in a job you hate or have children you take up all your time.
Practising gratitude flips this mindset into I’m grateful I have a home that keeps me warm and safe. I have a job that pays me to feed my family and I’m grateful for my children because they bring me purpose and joy in my life.
It’s simple but it’s effective and countless studies and experiences back this up. A must in anyone’s strengthening of the mind
6. Be A Cheerleader
Having fans cheering you on can change a team’s mindset and help them to win. Having someone believe in you can change your whole outlook on a problem. To have a mindset muscle of strength you have to treat external motivation as a bonus, not a reliance. The reliance you need is on yourself. You have to be your own cheerleader. Every day you are there behind the scenes in the mind telling yourself you can do this. Cheering on every success and cheering on your mistakes as learning opportunities.
By being your own cheerleader you keep your mindset in a growth state. Keeping away from the negative mindset will be critical and self-sabotaging thoughts.
7. Be Ok With Failure
A negative mindset feeds on failure and mistakes. Society condemns failure you just have to read or watch the news. You make a mistake at your job and you could be sacked the next day. We are conditioned to see failure as weakness.
I will tell you now that this is a lie.
Failure is a strength. It means you are moving forward, you are trying and you are learning. We live in an imperfect world and that means we will make imperfect decisions. Learn to be ok with failure. The strategy that’s best used is the forgiveness strategy. Where daily you will forgive yourself for all your mistakes and failures. From there you can find solutions so it doesn’t happen again.
For peace of mind. There are many great men and women throughout human history who have had countless failures and now are revered as legends.
8. Become An Optimist
Living in England optimism is called out with pessimism. Now a little bit of pessimism is important for questioning things but too much will see you finding fault with everything around you. That’s why to ward off a negative mindset optimism is crucial. I would say it’s a 70/30 split. Optimism will allow you to see new possibilities have the belief you can do what others won’t and propel you forward in life to seek yes possibilities.
There are too many nay Sayers in life without you becoming that person to yourself. Choose optimism today the mind will thank you.
9. Do What We Enjoy 80% Of The Time
Society sets people on a path early on. The most academic and sometimes privileged will get the top employment jobs and the least academic and less privileged will get more blue-collar jobs. Of course, this is an oversimplification.
My point is you can’t rely on any path someone has set out for you if you hate what your doing. The mental implications on your health are huge. This life the older you get it traps you and tightens you in until pension age.
I’ve seen this first hand growing up and now into adulthood. It’s not pleasant to see let alone experience.
That’s why we must understand we only have one life. This life deserves us to do what we love and feel passionate about doing. The range I have gone for 80% based on all the boring and monotonous things you won’t enjoy will be outweighed by enjoyment and happiness of the tasks you will enjoy. This mentality will rid you of a negative mindset because you will live your life the way you want.
So find something you enjoy and cover all of the minimum standards of living and build it from there.
Countless stories of people who have chosen this path have no regrets and are living their life not surviving it.
10. The Lone Wolf Dies, But The Pack Survives
From James Clear book atomic habits he states. “Nothing sustains motivation better than belonging to the tribe. It transforms a personal quest into a shared one”. For a strengthened mind doing it alone is a no-no. I’ve too been in my life where I have chosen the path alone. It’s lonely, hard and mistake-ridden. The mental output is greater for motivation, discipline and focus. There is a time and a place to be alone wolf but for survival with our mental life, we must socialise and use others to help us grow.
Reach out to others and let people you can trust help you build your life. Just like ants, the shared collective is greater than any singular pursuit.
11. Be Happy Creating Discomfort
When we hear discomfort the first sign is off all the experiences you have faced where it hasn’t gone well or the feeling you experience before a task. Society is brought up to find comfort in work, living and career. It’s a human condition we can’t run away from.
But we all know that some of the best experiences and moments in our lives have come from discomfort. This is what we need to hold close and not let go of. We must seek and create discomfort so we can be happy in the long term.
Being comfortable is a short term positive with long term ramifications. Being uncomfortable by creating discomfort will lead to short term pain of fear and doubt but will lead to a life fulfilled and of memories, you will cherish. A negative mindset will avoid this at all cost but a positive mindset will learn to love and face their fears.
12. Always Be Taking Action
What stimulates a negative mindset? Lack of action. When we have days upon days of inactivity how does it make you feel? For me and most people, I have coached it makes them feel like crap. When the mind and body are not being trained it will feel lethargic but it will also lower the guard of the mind. Negative thoughts will start spiralling and will be hard to overcome.
The remedy to create a mindset of happiness, purpose and overall wellbeing. Is to take action every single day.
13. Watch Who Your Talking too
We should all know now, that who we spend the most time with will reflect in our life actions and mindset. Humans want to fit in. We want to be part of the tribe. But the question you should ask yourself is what tribe you want to be part of. Here you will find the answer.
If you feel that you are being brought down, not fulfilling your life ambitions you must question who you’re talking to.
You have 100% control over this and you have no obligation to spend time with anyone who doesn’t uplift you.
14. Make subtle changes to your speech
To strengthen the mindset. Our speech inside our mind and outside through speech can have a powerful effect on our life. Our mind is very simple in some ways. With our thoughts and speech, what we communicate the mind will command. Very much like your personal genie. When you say I can’t do something, try and say instead I can’t do this YET. A subtle change in what we say to ourselves can have a dramatic result in how the mind processes the information into action.
Try it today. Listen out for some of the words you say repeatedly. Are they helping you or slowing you down. If you feel the latter, make subtle changes in your words.
It will have massive changes in how your mind wards off a negative mindset.
Please Comment and share your stories
Has this helped you today? What’s your favourite mindset strategy you’re going to try out. I would love to hear your thoughts and your experiences with dealing with a negative mindset. Always remember your not alone and everything can change.
A Final Word From The Future Mindset
I hope you enjoyed today’s article If you’re struggling with dealing with mastering your own mindset. Don’t worry you’re not alone. Millions of people go through the same experience every day. I hope the article has helped in some way. If you need extra help or any questions answered. Don’t hesitate to contact me at adam@thefuturemindset.com
