In the not too distant past. Humans were part of tight-nit communities that hunted together, raised children together and defended their lands together. Loneliness must have been alien.
Even as recently as half a century ago. Living in a village or town where you would work and live with your childhood friends was commonplace. A sense of community and brotherhood were the norm.
Today however the rise of huge metropolitan cities where opportunities to further your career outside of your home town is commonplace. Surrounded by millions of people you would think loneliness was impossible but in fact, it is all too apparent in today’s world.
Studies have found there is a serious problem within the male population that needs to be addressed promptly or face an epidemic of huge proportions. This is the very reason for this article to help you on your pathway out of loneliness.
The Feeling Of Lonilness
Whether we like it or not. Humans are wired for community and a sense of belonging. From a biological standpoint, a community offers safety, comfort and reproduction. Something we can easily take for granted from friendships forged in childhood.
In Men’s health, I read an article that described loneliness as being the same as hunger. A perfect outlook on the effect loneliness can have on an individual. You can imagine when you’re hungry/thirsty for food or water how horrible and uncomfortable it can be. The reason we feel this is because it’s a must to survive. That’s why treating loneliness, in the same way, is vital to understanding and finding ways to overcome loneliness at all costs.
To back up the notion that overcoming loneliness is important. Studies researched the patients who were seriously ill in hospital and the effects of their family being beside them compared to the patient having no family. The results showed unanimously that having a family with you saves lives. This is majorly concerning with covid pandemic that family members can not be by the side of their loved one’s recovery.
My Account Of Loneliness
I too have experienced loneliness. The memories that come to mind was my first semester at university. Away from home for the first time, zero friends and alone. The second time I felt this strongly again was upon leaving university and with no home to go back to. I was officially on my own, uni friends have all gone home and an end of tenancy looming. This was an incredibly lonely time with not much support insight.
But the most lonely I have ever felt was in 2018 in a business I didn’t want to be in, in serious debt and my family living hundreds of miles away. The feeling of being alone was unbearable and when it’s mixed with other factors it can feel like there’s not much point carrying on.
But there is hope. Because with every feeling it can come and go. It’s not finite but changeable and I’m grateful to say I had people in my life that came to the rescue, to save me from my loneliness.
That’s why friendships and relationships are important parts of our lives and should be cherished and sought after. Without people in our life to share and experience the good and the bad of life. What’s the point. I cherish my children with all my heart and set an oath that no matter where they are in life or the world I will be there in one way or another being by their side. I would never want my children to ever feel loneliness like I felt as it truly is a horrible feeling.
The Male Condition
Men, in particular, are suffering from loneliness and is on a far larger scale compared to our female counterparts. The reason being is that men are not as open about how they feel. The very idea of men have to be strong is installed into every male boy and adolescent as they grow up.
But what does being strong actually mean?
For me, it meant keeping my feelings inside and keeping all my problems for me to deal with. I have grown to understand what poor advice this was and how when it comes to loneliness majorly affects the building of new relationships.
Men, therefore, tend not to open up to new people as readily and the idea of expressing their deep feelings will be kept inside in case of ridicule.
This way of thinking has to be in the past. If we compared men from today with men after WW2 then I would say we are more open-minded in expressing our feelings. But we are nowhere near the point where we can say expressing your feeling to another man is normal. With the male stereotypes still being ever-present and the lack of support in social change is still very much needed.
We Need Change
That’s why men need to come together and understand we aren’t that different from females. We have feelings too and they need to be expressed. Maybe not in the way females do it but in a new way that is acceptable. Below I will try and discuss ways in which we can solve this problem as a male population but also on an individual basis as well.
This is important because the rate of male suicides is on the rise, the rise of men suffering from depression is on the rise. This has to stop and solving the male loneliness epidemic is a great place to start.
How To Solve Male Lonilness
First and foremost if you are suffering from loneliness you must understand that this isn’t just you. In fact, you are not alone in how your feeling or weird for doing so. Unfortunately millions of people around the world are feeling the exact same as you.
The way out of loneliness is being honest with yourself and finding actual solutions that can help find meaningful connections again.
Through research and personal experience below are ways in which you can overcome loneliness.
Open Space To Talk About How You Feel
When it comes to discussing feelings as a man this can be challenging. Especially as it goes against the male stereotype. But finding open spaces where you can speak freely is important for your mental health. This can be in a 1-1 session with relationship coaches or therapists. It can even be
Male Time
Having quality male time is a great help for helping with feelings of loneliness. When men are together they can be playful, speak a common language and have a sense of camaraderie. Due to family commitments and moving around. Spending time with my male friends has been difficult. But my arranging meetups, adventure weekends or
Having male time not only helps with loneliness but acts as stress relief and a brain booster (must be all the banter). Studies have proved and show the importance male actually has on our personal wellbeing.
So arrange to meet up with male friends weekly, monthly or at a special time in the year when you can all get together.
Create A Safe Space For Other Men
As we touched on earlier that talking about our deeper feelings can be tricky amongst other men. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. As men, we can have a stone wall up for this kind of thing. But like every stone wall in can be knocked down. That person to dit could be you by creating a safe space when other men can talk about their feeling with ridicule.
This will take courage on your part by being the first but deep down when taking away all the layers of protective armour. We are all human and having a safe space to talking about loneliness and or deeper feelings in the right setting can be a great thing.
There Is Someone Waiting For You
Whether you’re alone because of a lack of relationship or you just moved to New York on your own and haven’t made friends for weeks. This does not mean that you will be alone for long. When you feel lonely the pain of it can make you feel like this will last forever but it won’t unless you want it to. That’s why you should put yourself out there to interact with others whether that be accepting the offer to go for drinks or go on Tinder/dating apps to find mutual companionship. (I actually know a couple who are happily married from Tinder)
Remember there is always someone out there who is lonely too who is seeking friendship and love. You just have to go and seek it.
Allow Yourself To Reach Out
I have developed a habit from childhood that reaching out to express my emotions is not a thing a man does. The risk of being vulnerable is a place men tend not to lean into. But this place is the very location we should look to enter. Here we will find solutions. It will of course be painful sometimes but showing vulnerability is courage and strength. t shows your willingness to change and improve. On the whole, when I have been honest with how I feel to others I have created strong deep connections that feeling loneliness is a distant entity.
Create Amazing Moments
Who doesn’t like creating amazing moments in their life? The answer should be zero. Doing things one can definitely have its place but when we connect with people something magical happens. That’s why organising amazing moments in your life with others is crucial for overcoming loneliness. This can backpacking holidays wine tasting in France or skydiving in Eygpt gazing down towards the pryamids in freefall.
Reach out to friends/family or find groups you can join to meet likeminded people, for example, there is an organisation called remote site where if you normally work from home you can go to a location in the world and work and adventure activities in your spare time with a group of 6 people.
Don’t Let Marriage Get In The Way
Even in a loving marriage, you can still feel lonely. Studies have shown 35% of men in marriages feel lonely. This is because diue to wrok commitment sand family commitmnets. They have lost touch with their male friends This is a real shame and is clearly a mssing peace of the jigsaw when it comes to loneiness in marriage. So make sure if this is you. To find time to recoonnect with friends and go goof around and have fun.
Sports Can Hold The Answer
There is something magical when men who are complete strangers play sport together. Something amazing happens when bonds are formed instantly and the next thing you down the pub like you’ve been friends forever.
I strongly believe that combatting male loneliness can lie with sports whether it’s playing five aside football or having a round of golf. Sports can bring out all the best qualities in relationship building. By creating a five side weekly tournament with friends or joining a club to practice MMA. You build strong connections combatting the effects of loneliness.
Join A Community
I’m a huge fan of Yes Theory. They have created an amazing community on their facebook group where people can connect. I have seen countless people who are lonely that have connected through this group and met outside and even got married. This goes to show that building quality relationships doesn’t just have to be in an areal life setting. It can be fostered online where you will find communities that you fit into. This goes to show that you are not alone there is someone out there waiting to connect with you. You just have to recah out to find them.
Don’t Let Anyone Define What You Should Feel
On your personal journey out of loneliness. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilt or shame for speaking the truth about how you feel. Every male is a human with feelings and suppressing those feeling cause huge problems for wellebing. Be true to yourself and guide yourself to like-minded people where you can form meaningful connections. Your loneliness is the short term I promise. It ‘s just a matter of time and forward action to get out of it.
Helping Hand
I understand fully the effects loneliness can have on the mind. At The Future Mindset, we are here for you to connect and help you any way we can. Just read everything below for a way we can help you.
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A Final Word From The Future Mindset
I hope you enjoyed today’s article The Epidemic Of Male Loneliness And How To Solve It. I hope the article has helped in some way.
If you want to take your mindset to the next level how about scheduling a 30-min discovery session to chat about your current status, results you want, and next steps. Don’t hesitate to contact me at adam@thefuturemindset.com
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