Introduction
Why Listening To Your Spouse Is Important? This is a question i have been asking myself. So i decided to write the strategies I’ve applied that have helped me become a better husband.
Has your relationship has some ups and downs? I’d say the answer is an overwhelming YES. The reason why is because we are not paying attention to his/her needs. One of main reason for breakups is the lack of listening to their partner’s needs.
Listening to your spouse is one of the most important parts of keeping the relationship going in the right direction. This is what i have found from my experience.
Overtime in a relationship people become comfortable with their surroundings and their relationship together. Once upon a time when dating I’m sure everyone is thinking of how can I get this person to like me. You will do all you can by listening out for their likes and dislikes and adapting accordingly. You will find out what food they like, what music their into and what turns them on in the bedroom.
When courting we are really good at listening out for their needs and desires. The reason why overtime difficulties can surface is that we stop listening to their wants and needs. We just focus on ours which won’t always align with theirs.
So below are some tips that have not only helped me improve my relationship of 8 years but will help yours flourish too.
1. Start Listening Again
Listening to your spouse is super important when it comes to keeping your relationship going in the right direction. Have you ever been preoccupied with the sport your watching. Then in the background you just hear what your partners saying. If they asked what they said. You would have no clue because you was more focused on your game. What this means in your relationship is that you are just hearing what they have to say but you are not listening to what they say.
This shows a lack of respect for them and you care more about your needs than theirs. Over time this will move you both further and further from each other and this leads to a break down in communication.
I challenge you today. Look at your partner in their eyes and listen to what they have to say. If you care about them, help them to feel valued with your response and your actions.
2. Have One Day Of The Week Where You Focus On What They Want
By listening to your spouse needs this will definitely help them feel like you care about them. As we get older more responsibilities can weigh us down. You can then get sucked into what you’re doing on a constant basis.
I was working 7 days a week physically and mentally. The little time I gave my spouse was not enough. Being selfish to my life’s ambitions made me forget about the person who I’m going to spend my life with. Every partner wants to feel like they matter in your life. So by setting aside 1 day of the week where you can just focus on their goals. Listen to their problems and just be present in their life can go along way.
3. Surprise Them
Remember when you were dating, did you ever surprise your spouse? I bet you were listening to your spouse every desire and acting accordingly. I know I was. Every other day i was surprising her with flowers, chocolates, restaurants and hotels. When you surprise someone the response you get is normally excitement and feeling of being alive.
As relationships go on things become comfortable and the surprise factor dries up. Well after years of surprise neglect I brought it back and it worked perfectly in making my partner feel great. I surprised her with flowers and even little notes around the house of how much I appreciated her. This went down a treat.
Then I listened to my spouse desire to go to Madrid. So I booked in advance a 3 day weekend, what a great time we had. These things matter in a relationship or the fire will soon burn out. So keep the fire alive by bringing some surprise factor back into your relationship. Make them feel like they are your main priority.
4. Try Not To Give Coaching Advice
When in a relationship you want the best for your spouse. This can even lead to you giving them advice on how to improve themselves. From my experience, my wife is not with me for my coaching abilities.
So when I dish out loads of advice for her to improve on it doesn’t go down to well. What I’ve learned is that people need to sometimes just let loose of all there problems they have faced throughout there day or week as a release system to get it gone.
As a husband that’s sometimes what I have to do is just listen and let her get whatever she’s going through off her chest with no judgement or coaching advice.
What does work is listening out to signals for when they do want help. Then if you can help, help, but only when she calls out for it.
5. Listen to their emotional state
Within a relationship, there will be highs and lows of emotion. What really can help a relationship flourish is listening out for signals of when to engage and disengage.
So for example, what doesn’t help is when both of you are angry at the same time like to moose ready to battle each other. What I’ve learned is that when she’s angry at me, I listen and I feel I can no longer listen. I move away from the situation. Where later in a calmer mood the problem gets easily resolved instead of days without speaking to each other.
Also listening to when they’re feeling down and maybe they need time with you or maybe need some time alone from you.
By listening to your partner emotional state is like guitar hero. The more you hit the right note the happier your relationship will move forward.
To conclude, listening is one of the most important parts of a flourishing relationship. We are super good at listening when we are dating or in that honeymoon period. What stops the relationship developing and staying happy is when we stop listening to the needs of our partner. When we just think of ourselves. We might as well pack up shop and just live on our own because a relationship is not about one person. It’s about 2 people being connected and listening to each other’s needs and wants.
So if your relationship needs some work, start today by listening and watch the magic start coming back.