relationship Archives - The Future Mindset

How to find happiness

After writing the previous post about unhappiness and what causes it. This is going to be about 8 ways how to find happiness right now. A topic that has been discussed all the way back to Aristotle and Plato with the foremost saying “Happiness depends on ourselves.” Aristotle enshrines happiness as a central purpose of human life and a goal in itself. Aristotle also described eudaimonia (Meaning happiness in Greek) as the goal of human thought and action.

In modern times I follow the very well known influencer Gary Vee who talks repeatedly about happiness and the importance of attaining it in your life. With some of the most influential people on the planet from the past and present stating the importance of happiness. Why isn’t it taught in our school system? How is it not readily talked about in friendship groups or at home? Why isn’t it the main priority in life?

Happiness is an important goal to attain

For me, our long term happiness should be something we should focus on. Doing so by not listening to the wants of our parents, friends, spouse, colleagues, mentors and even society. We just need to listen deep within ourselves of what we want in life that will make us happy. When you find out what makes you happy you can then build your life around happiness instead of trying to build happiness around something someone said should make you happy.

For ideas on what you should focus on to find your inner happiness take a look below for the 8 ways how to find happiness right now.

Finding Happiness

Give Back

I read a story about a man called Kenneth Behring who has appeared numerous times on the Forbes wealthiest list. He described his life in 4 stages.

The first stages were MORE STUFF where he got a nice car and house. The second stage was BETTER STUFF where he upgraded what he had to a mansion and a private jet. The third stage was DIFFERENT STUFF where he bought classic cars and owned an NFL football team.

All this was in search of happiness but he never found it until he came across the fourth stage GIVE STUFF were unexpectedly on his way back from Africa he made a stop in Romania where he delivered 6 wheelchairs to a hospital. His experience with an elderly man there gave him more joy and gratitude than he had ever experienced before.

This led to him giving away over 940,000 wheelchairs across the world. Fancy stuff is nice to have but this should be a bonus not the main goal in life.

The main goal in life should be to give back and serve others. There you will find your true happiness.

Spend more time with loved ones

It’s been proven in studies that top of the list for peoples happiness is healthy relationships. What makes humans strong is a social connection and has helped humans survive on earth to this day. The bonds of friendship and love are powerful forces in this world. It makes sense that this is one of the main factors of happiness. If you have already found this, don’t let go of it or take it for granted. Nurture it and let it grow.

If you haven’t found this yet. I hope this community we are building can help or one of my favourite community’s is the YES Theory where people who have never met each other before meet up and create friendships with like-minded people. Happiness for me comes from quality relationships with people who make you happy.

Create amazing experiences

The focus on material goods is great for quick short term happiness. This can be buying that new t-shirt or a 50 inch TV but these feelings are fleeting. What gets stuck into humans consciousness is experiences. These are stories you tell to people. It could be something funny, out of this world or a challenge you overcome. When I’ve seen true happiness in peoples faces is when I hear the stories of their experiences. What amazing experiences have you achieved? What’s next to come?

Chase discomfort

I’ve learned that being comfortable does not bring you long term happiness. It brings you short term that leads into unhappiness if you stay there. In life, you have to take risks to move forward. Asking the person you like out on a date or facing your fears by jumping out of a plane. It’s been proven when we feel uncomfortable this is where we feel most alive. It can lead to some of the most amazing experiences that change our life. Write down a list that all the things that you want to do in your life and go do it no matter how uncomfortable they are to do. There you will find happiness.

Have a hobby

Having a hobby is a great way to spend time not thinking about any of your responsibilities and just live in the moment of the favourite things you love doing. This could be a sport, singing, dancing or photography. It can be anything you love to do. Make space for it in your life, don’t put it off like it’s not a priority.

Be financially secure

Nothing makes people happier than their finances being in order. This is not earning a billion pounds, this is earning an amount of money that fits the lifestyle you want where you don’t worry about anything important like food, electricity, water or any of the main essentials of life. Unhappiness defiantly comes from being in debt and out of control of your finances. By finding a way to fix this, it will lead you to happiness.

Learn to make money doing what you love

Leading on from the last point about being financially secure. If you can build your wealth around doing something you love, you will be happy. People who have found this say it all the time. My last memory is Ricky Gervais who’s the writer and actor of The office said: “choose a job you love, and you’ll never have to work a day of your life”. He’s found his true passion and you have to find yours or close to it that you can build a life around. This is where happiness lies and the best thing about it, we all have different passions, so there are many opportunities to be created.

Be in nature and travel more

We are born from the earth so it makes sense that we get our true happiness from being within it. Whether it’s taking a walk around your local park or travelling to new destinations around the world. Humans get an amazing effect on them when they are apart of nature. For me, I love it. When I’m out in the English countryside or travelling to Barcelona I get the same feelings of happiness. So make sure you fit into your daily schedule to be one with nature wherever you live and try and go a bit further afield when you can.

Final Thoughts

This list could have gone on for some time. The main message is that there are so many possibilities to find happiness in your life. Instead of focusing on what outside forces make us happy, we should focus on what makes us happy from within.

I thought a high paying job, nice car and home would bring me happiness but it didn’t. I’ve learned that my family bring me the most joy and I’m building my life around them. With the next layer being travel and amazing experiences.

You could look at happiness being like the core of the earth which is the major force that keeps the planet together. To keep your life together have happiness as the central part and treat happiness as the beating heart of your life and build your life around it.

What makes you happy? How are you going to find your happiness? Was happiness a priority in childhood?

We would love to know the answer to these questions. I hope you enjoyed this post. Be happy, Stay happy.

Introduction

Why Listening To Your Spouse Is Important? This is a question i have been asking myself. So i decided to write the strategies I’ve applied that have helped me become a better husband.

Has your relationship has some ups and downs? I’d say the answer is an overwhelming YES. The reason why is because we are not paying attention to his/her needs. One of main reason for breakups is the lack of listening to their partner’s needs.

Listening to your spouse is one of the most important parts of keeping the relationship going in the right direction. This is what i have found from my experience.

Overtime in a relationship people become comfortable with their surroundings and their relationship together. Once upon a time when dating I’m sure everyone is thinking of how can I get this person to like me. You will do all you can by listening out for their likes and dislikes and adapting accordingly. You will find out what food they like, what music their into and what turns them on in the bedroom.

When courting we are really good at listening out for their needs and desires. The reason why overtime difficulties can surface is that we stop listening to their wants and needs. We just focus on ours which won’t always align with theirs.

So below are some tips that have not only helped me improve my relationship of 8 years but will help yours flourish too.

1. Start Listening Again

Listening to your spouse is super important when it comes to keeping your relationship going in the right direction. Have you ever been preoccupied with the sport your watching. Then in the background you just hear what your partners saying. If they asked what they said. You would have no clue because you was more focused on your game. What this means in your relationship is that you are just hearing what they have to say but you are not listening to what they say.

This shows a lack of respect for them and you care more about your needs than theirs. Over time this will move you both further and further from each other and this leads to a break down in communication.

I challenge you today. Look at your partner in their eyes and listen to what they have to say. If you care about them, help them to feel valued with your response and your actions.

2. Have One Day Of The Week Where You Focus On What They Want

By listening to your spouse needs this will definitely help them feel like you care about them. As we get older more responsibilities can weigh us down. You can then get sucked into what you’re doing on a constant basis.

I was working 7 days a week physically and mentally. The little time I gave my spouse was not enough. Being selfish to my life’s ambitions made me forget about the person who I’m going to spend my life with. Every partner wants to feel like they matter in your life. So by setting aside 1 day of the week where you can just focus on their goals. Listen to their problems and just be present in their life can go along way.

3. Surprise Them

Remember when you were dating, did you ever surprise your spouse? I bet you were listening to your spouse every desire and acting accordingly. I know I was. Every other day i was surprising her with flowers, chocolates, restaurants and hotels. When you surprise someone the response you get is normally excitement and feeling of being alive.

As relationships go on things become comfortable and the surprise factor dries up. Well after years of surprise neglect I brought it back and it worked perfectly in making my partner feel great. I surprised her with flowers and even little notes around the house of how much I appreciated her. This went down a treat.

Then I listened to my spouse desire to go to Madrid. So I booked in advance a 3 day weekend, what a great time we had. These things matter in a relationship or the fire will soon burn out. So keep the fire alive by bringing some surprise factor back into your relationship. Make them feel like they are your main priority.

4. Try Not To Give Coaching Advice

When in a relationship you want the best for your spouse. This can even lead to you giving them advice on how to improve themselves. From my experience, my wife is not with me for my coaching abilities.

So when I dish out loads of advice for her to improve on it doesn’t go down to well. What I’ve learned is that people need to sometimes just let loose of all there problems they have faced throughout there day or week as a release system to get it gone.

As a husband that’s sometimes what I have to do is just listen and let her get whatever she’s going through off her chest with no judgement or coaching advice.

What does work is listening out to signals for when they do want help. Then if you can help, help, but only when she calls out for it.

5. Listen to their emotional state

Within a relationship, there will be highs and lows of emotion. What really can help a relationship flourish is listening out for signals of when to engage and disengage.

So for example, what doesn’t help is when both of you are angry at the same time like to moose ready to battle each other. What I’ve learned is that when she’s angry at me, I listen and I feel I can no longer listen. I move away from the situation. Where later in a calmer mood the problem gets easily resolved instead of days without speaking to each other.

Also listening to when they’re feeling down and maybe they need time with you or maybe need some time alone from you.

By listening to your partner emotional state is like guitar hero. The more you hit the right note the happier your relationship will move forward.

To conclude, listening is one of the most important parts of a flourishing relationship. We are super good at listening when we are dating or in that honeymoon period. What stops the relationship developing and staying happy is when we stop listening to the needs of our partner. When we just think of ourselves. We might as well pack up shop and just live on our own because a relationship is not about one person. It’s about 2 people being connected and listening to each other’s needs and wants.

So if your relationship needs some work, start today by listening and watch the magic start coming back.